There is a Rumbl in my Tumblr

I really should update this damned thing more often. As it is, this will only be a very quick update.

First of all, I feel the need to bring it to your attention that I am currently watching Big Top Pee-Wee whilst in my underwear. I’m in my underwear because it is quite warm and I am watching Big Top Pee-Wee because it is the only time I can recall Kris Kristofferson, Benicio Del Toro, and Samuel “Screech” Powers from Saved By The Bell sharing a screen at the same time. It’s magical, really.

Second, I’ve started a Tumblr account. It’s a place where I will post random photos, videos, links, et cetera that I find interesting, funny and/or disturbing and it can be found here.

Third, I’ve begun harrassing people on FaceBook more often. Friend me, won’t you?

And finally, next week will see the arrival of the long awaited (in this house) third season box set for Bleach (we pre-ordered quite some time ago), for which we are very eager, and it also marks the release of Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince, which we are also very eager to see. Knowing what occurs in the book, I’m planning on bringing a box of kleenex with me, as I know the tears will flow.

Right. That’s about it right now, really. I’ll try to blog more often and with far more interesting things. Maybe there’ll even be a video blog or two down the pipeline.

I just like saying pipeline.

Pipeline.

Thank you.

(pipeline)

Oh, Hullo There

Right, nothing of any great importance here.

We now have HBO, which means we now have the new season of True Blood without resorting to the internet or rental stores, which is nice.

I’m watching Speed Racer as I type this. I watched The Flintstones yesterday. Shut up, it’s free.

Now I leave you with an interesting questionnaire I’ve found, because it’s my goddamn blog and I can do that if I want. I’d love it if you would comment below with your own answers:

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
My wife and kid.

What is your greatest fear?
Losing my wife and kid, or not being able to protect them. Also, giant spiders.

Which living person do you most admire?
My father.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
“Oh, snap.” “Assclowns.” “Jerky.”

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I’m actually too good looking. I’m so good looking that, upon seeing me, most people write it off as being not very good looking at all when, in reality, I’m so good looking that my level of sexiness surpasses that which most are able to comprehend. Also, I’m too modest.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
I’m heavier than I’d like to be. For now.

Which living person do you most despise?
A lot of people. In fact, I probably despise some of you who are currently reading this.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Danielle.

Which talent would you most like to have?
Having talent in anything would be a nice change of pace over my usual talentless self.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I’d change my ability to only change one thing about myself.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
It sure would be nice to not have that fibro cloud hanging over the house.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
I’d like to come back as a beloved family pet, a dog or a cat or something, but I’ll probably come back as one of those little plastic pizza table things.

What is your most treasured possession?
Bits of jewlery that have been passed down from various people.

What is your favorite occupation?
Comic book guy. I miss that job.

What is your most marked characteristic?
Humor, I would hope.

What do you most value in your friends?
Bail money and a talent for not asking any questions.

Who are your favorite writers?
Neil Gaiman, Kurt Vonnegut, Garth Nix.

Who are your heroes in real life?
My father, the guy who invented trail mix, and Lou Diamond Phillips.

What is it that you most dislike?
When people think their opinions or tastes are law and anyone who doesn’t share them are stupid or tasteless, that one black potato chip in the bottom of the bag, Hitler.

How would you like to die?
A lot of people say mid-coitus, but why in the hell wouldn’t you want to finish before dying? I say post-coitus. Wait, post-coitus, after having eaten a huge slice of chocolate cake whilst naked with your co-coituser.

What is your motto?
“Fuck it.”

–

Well, that was fun. Do stop back again, won’t you?

A Quick List, Mostly

Another bullet point style blog, sorry. I have many many things to do, am not feeling well, and have precious little time (to do things, not to live. I hope.).

1: David Eddings has passed away. It’s so very sad, he and his wife produced some truly wonderful fantasy over the many years. He’ll be missed.

2: If you’ve never seen A Comic Book Orange, you’re missing out on something special. The latest video features Ben Templesmith:

How fucking awesome would a Templesmith Road Warrior be? I’d really love to see that happen someday.

3: If you’re unfamiliar with who David Lynch is and what he does, go here and read up a bit.

Done? Good.

Now go watch Interview Project. There’s one video up right now, plus the intro (click on “About”) by Lynch himself, explaining what he’s trying to do with this. Its riveting and I’m eagerly looking forward to the next videos.

Side note, this is David Lynch in one of my favorite Youtube clips ever:

4: The Conan O’Brien Tonight Show went pretty well, I thought. Will Ferrell was hilarious, some of the bits they did were pretty funny (the opening will be remembered for a long time, mark my words), and Pearl Jam was awesome. Strong opening, I’d say.

I missed last night’s episode, but I’ll catch it on Hulu (god, I love the internet).

I also think that Jimmy Fallon is doing a wonderful job with Late Night. In fact, I’m enjoying the Jimmy Fallon Late Night more than I enjoyed the Conan Late Night.

Though Craig Ferguson is still funnier than either of them.

5: Hollywood is making feature films based on the “Where’s Waldo?” series of books (I’m not kidding) and the Stretch Armstrong toy (god, I wish I was kidding), and today I read they’re greenlighting both Wall Street 2 and a Total Recall remake.

Isn’t Hollywood AWESOME, you guys?

—

I’m pretty sure that’s all I have right now.

My spider/mosquito/mutant insect bite became very swollen and itchy, forming a large lump in the center of my arm, then in the span of a day, the swelling went down the itch disappeared. I am happy.

Hoping to get some writing done later today or tomorrow. Wish me luck.

A Few Things Before Cleaning

Hello, world. How’s everything? Good? Yeah.

So just a few quick things here, then I get to vaccum:

1: This whole Prop 8 thing is just fucking madness. Since when is Iowa more forward-thinking than California? No offense intended to anyone from Iowa, but… Come on, it’s Iowa.

I’m not one to think ill of people for having an opinion, much less strong personal beliefs, but I simply cannot wrap my head around someone wanting to deny any human being the right to marry the person they love more than anything in the world. For any reason.

The idea of someone essentially saying “Marriage is a beautiful union of two people who are deeply in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together. The right to marry should be defended with our lives, because without the love of those we wish to marry, our lives would not be worth fighting for.

Unless, of course, you both have the same set of genitals. Then it’s just WRONG.”

It all just seems so weird and strange and it makes me very, very sad.

2: I remember occasionally staying up late with my grandparents to watch The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. That love of Carson transitioned into a love of a lot of old comedy (Jack Benny, Abbot and Costello, Bob Hope, etc.). I remember Carson’s last show and I remember the act of passing the torch from one who has been a staple for years, Johny, to the new kid taking over, Jay Leno.

I watched that again last night. This time, it was Leno passing the torch to Conan O’Brien. Leno did the montages, he did the thank yous, all of that. He interviewed Conan, he showed clips from their past, it was all very touching and real.

Then he ended the show by answering the question “What will be your legacy?”

His answer was to tell a story about a member of the Tonight Show Band having a baby in the first few weeks of them being on the air, the first “Tonight Show Baby”, so to speak. He showed a picture of that baby, then introduced the seventeen year old young woman she had grown into.

A curtain rose and there stood sixty-eight other children, ranging from babies to teenagers, all born of marriages or relationships between people who found love on the Tonight Show, people whose lives were profoundly changed forever by their experiences working on a television show.

“That’s what I’d like my legacy to be.” Leno said, “When these kids grow up and they go, `Hey, mom and dad, where did you guys meet?’, they’re going to say they met on the stage of The Tonight Show.”

He didn’t cry, he didn’t choke up, he just said goodbye. Say what you will about Jay Leno, say what you will about whether or not he tickles your funny bone, but anyone watching last nights episode would see a truly classy guy moving on to the next chapter of his life.

3: At some point between the time I went to bed last night and the time I woke up this morning, something bit my arm. There’s now a itchy/painful bump. I keep checking to see if I’m getting any powers, but so far, no. No sticking to walls for me.

YET.

4: Allergies are starting to sneak up on me and kick my noses ass. I find this to be unpleasent.

5: Yesterday Danielle came home and surprised me by presenting me with a large sandwich and the first volume of X-Men on DVD (the 90s animated series!). I was having a fairly awful day and she just decided to smack me in the face with a pile of various delicious meats and cheeses on an entire loaf of bread whilst getting me a DVD set I’ve been waiting for for over a decade.

This is reason infinity-billion and seven that I love this woman.

6: Someone disagreed with my taste in films last night. ON THE INTERNET. I’m going to give you a moment to let that soak in. I know, I know, it’s hard. This is clearly the first time ever that someone on the internet has disagreed with someone elses taste in something, so we should all run and mark it on the calender.

7: When I started this blog post, I got as far as halfway through my Tonight Show bit, before I had to urinate (too much information? no such thing). So I left the computer for five minutes and when I returned, I found it had froze for some reason. I called my computer a “son of a cocking cunt” and vaccumed the house whilst waiting for the computer to restart.

This is vital information.

—

There was more, but my long since broken mind can’t seem to recall what else I wanted to say.

So I may or may not blog again later.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED KIND OF.

Don’t Panic

Happy Towel Day, everyone.

Milk Through A Straw

It’s wrong. Everytime I see someone drinking milk through a straw, I cringe.

—

I was browsing the intrawebs this morning and I stumbled upon a BoingBoing article about THIS.

It’s a table made out of old VHS tapes. I’m giving serious consideration to making one myself now.

—

So, I saw STAR TREK. The new one, the J.J. Abrams one.

I have to say, it was pretty epic. There were only a couple things I took issue with (SPOILERS AHOY, CAP’N!):

1: Apparently the screenwriters (they also wrote Transformers and the upcoming Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, you know) read a few too many Spock/Uhura fan fics whilst doing their online research.

2: Madea Goes To Starfleet? What the-? Not that Tyler Perry isn’t a decent actor and everything, but… Christ, that was distracting.

(SPOILERS’ END!)

Those were really the only things I took serious issue with. The rest was pretty awesome. Simon Pegg stole the movie, though.

Also a note of interest: If you have not yet seen STAR TREK, and are planning to, I highly reccomend stuffing yourself full of yummy Chinese food beforehand. I staggered into the theater full of cheese won tons, chow mein and sesame chicken. It was a pleasent experience.

—

SOME CURRENTS:

WHAT I AM CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:

WHAT I CURRENTLY LOOK LIKE:

WHAT I AM CURRENTLY DRINKING:

—

I’m going to read for awhile, then clean a little house, then see if I can get the lawnmower working. My lawn, it scares me. I’m afraid of getting lost on my way to the street someday soon.

If you don’t hear from me on Twitter, send large men with machettes in to find me. Thanks.

—

I’ve just realized that this makes the third consecutive Saturday I’ve updated this thing. Maybe I’ll make May “SATURDAY BLOG-A-DOODLE MONTH” or something.

Or maybe I’ll forget and update on a Wednesday, damn my brains.

Anyway, I ramble. Away with me.

Taking A Moment To Talk About Wolverine

So, I’ve finally seen Wolverine (the title “X-Men Origins” is extremely lame).

Let’s make this a quick list, otherwise I’ll ramble on with nerd rage.

Spoilers abound below:

Things Wolverine Did Wrong:

1: The CGI claws were terrible, as was whatever the hell they did to Xavier’s face. He looked like a god damn store mannequin.

Come to me, my X-Men.

2: Gambit is Cajun. Which means he should have a Cajun accent. I wouldn’t be bothered by him NOT having a Cajun accent, if he was consistantly not Cajun throughout the movie. Unfortunately, he seemed to slip back and forth between Cajun whenever he damn well pleased. You either have an accent or you don’t, dumbass. Pick one.

3: Emma Fucking Frost is not related to Silver Fucking Fox.

4: “The only thing that can kill him is… an adamantium bullet! DUN DUN DUUNNNNNN!” Esqueeze me? Seriously? Did that really just happen?

5: If will.i.am says “OMG I LUV COMIX LET ME BE IN UR COMIX BOOK MOOVEE AHURRDURR!” ever again, tell him no. Please.

6: Dominic Monaghan. Why put him in your movie if you’re going to underuse him? That would be like casting Ben Foster as Angel and only giving him five seconds of screen time OH WAIT.

7: Logan loses his memory because of the adamantium bullet (graaaah), which explains why he wouldn’t remember Creed when they meet in X-Men (THE MOVIE THIS ONE IS A GOD DAMN PREQUEL TO), but what about Creed? Why didn’t Creed remember Logan? And why did he look younger in X-Men than he did in Wolverine which, as I said, IS A GOD DAMN PREQUEL?

8: Why was the base’s location in Wolverine so different from the location of the base in X-Men 2, even though it was supposedly the same base at which Wolverine was given his adamantium? WHY, FOX? WHY?

9: Deadpool. Son of a bitch. They put a character affectionately known as “The Merc with a Mouth” in a movie, then take away his mouth. His mouth, you guys. They took it away. Will he have it in the next movie? Of course he will, but that’s not my point. They pumped him up full of powers he never had, they cast the perfect actor for the role and only gave him maybe two or three lines, they put BLADES in his ARMS. Blades in his arms. So many ways they raped Deadpool. Poor Wade.

Things Wolverine Did Right:

1: The relationship between Logan and Silver Fox was pretty well done (up until the end graahnerdraaage).

2: Liev Schrieber did a fantastic job as Victor.

3: The opening credit sequence, with all the different wars Logan has been in, was really well done.

4: For the three or four seconds Wade was actually on screen, he was pretty funny.

5: Takings bits from ORIGIN (the good mini-series) and not from WOLVERINE: ORIGINS (the really bad monthly series) was good.

6: The guy who played Fred “Blob” Dukes did a great job.

7: Explosions were pretty.

8: Danny Huston plays a bad guy really well (go rent 30 Days of Night).

9: The guy who played Gambit, aside from the really annoying “I have an accent! Now I don’t! Now I do! Now I don’t!” thing, did a decent job playing Gambit. Kind of.

So the good moments were those where you had to shut your brain off. Explosions, motorcycle chases, fight scenes, etc. The bad moments were the bits that made you think and go “Wait, what? No. NO!”

Overall, I did enjoy it. But barely. If they had gotten Deadpool right, it would have been a different movie for me. I don’t think I’d have been quite as angry upon leaving the theater.

On the upside, the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen trailer was excellent.

It’s May, So I’m Blogging

It’s May 2nd and I have spent the last five days lifting, stocking, washing, sweeping, organizing, pushing, pulling, and trying to stay ahead of it all.

Monday was spent cleaning and stocking the cooler at work.

Tuesday was a usual Truck Day, but with the added bonus of cleaning and organizing the back room.

Wednesday I got the pleasure of doing the Coke guy’s job for him again.

Thursday was spent washing four gas pump stations, in some pretty fierce wind.

Friday morning I sat through a two hour meeting, the low point of which was seeing a few co-workers’ blatent disrespect for our manager, the high point of which was said manager making a Star Wars reference, followed by four hours of stocking the cooler (again), organizing the back room (again) and sweeping the curbs outside (which was actually someone else’s job).

So I’m pretty happy to not have anything serious to do today or tomorrow. Although, I do have to take a walk up to the post office.

I lead such a boring life.

So downside to five straight days of physical labor: Stiff and sore.

Upside: My next check will be pretty rad.

—

I wake up this morning, I read some things on Twitter about Wilbur Herpes (My name for Swine Flu. Too much? Maybe Babe AIDS?), then I read this:

The FDA has urged all consumers to immediately stop using Hydroxycut, as a number of reports involving serious liver injury, liver transplant and at least one death have been associated with using the weight-loss products.

Hydroxycut side effects could surface while the product is being used or within several months after it is stopped. Symptoms of a potential Hydroxycut liver injury could include yellowing of the skin or whites of the eyes (jaundice), brown urine, light-colored stools, excessive fatigue, stomach or abdominal pain, weakness, nausea, vomitting and loss of appetite.

At least some of which are also symptoms of Babe AIDS.

Earlier this week, I’d just finished off a jumbo bottle (150 caplets) of the stuff.

So yeah, I’m probably gonna die soon. Heads up, guys.

—

So, Wolverine’s out. And by that, I mean the film X-Men Origins: Wolverine has been released, not that Wolverine is gay (though have you seen Jackman dance?).

I won’t be seeing it until next weekend, unfortunately. But I’ve heard from reliable geek sources that it’s nerd rage inducing. The people who aren’t huge fans of Wolverine or Deadpool seem to really dig it, though the real fans screamed bloody murder at the screen.

I’m concerned.

If after seeing it, I end up enjoying it, you’ll know. And if after seeing it, I end up not enjoying it, you’ll definitely know.

Other things I’m looking forward to:

Star Trek hits on the 8th, the same day we’ll be seeing Wolverine. Would I be lying if I said I’m not going to try to convince Danielle to see both on the same day? Why, yes. Yes I would.

Also out this month are Terminator: Salvation (which worries me) and Night At The Museum 2 (which does not worry me).

July sees the release of the Uncut Season Three Box Set for Bleach, which we will drive an hour to Best Buy and pay ninety dollars for, because we want the one with the little collector toy thing and also because we are nerds.

We also need to call Greg and see if we can set up our “WE WILL SIT HERE ON OUR ASSES FOR OVER TWELVE HOURS WATCHING STAR WARS AND DRINKING BEERS BECAUSE WE ARE AWESOME” marathon.

—

Actually, the more my legs and back and shoulders and neck throb, the less I want to walk anywhere.

—

Today is also FREE COMIC BOOK DAY. Go down to your local shop and pick up some free comics, for chrissake. Whether you’re a veteran collector, or have no idea what a comic book is, you’d be a damn fool not to.

I’m taking a stand. Anyone turning down free comic books is a fool.

—

The biggest problem with Howie Mandel’s “Howie Do It” is that, when he disguises himself, he still looks like Howie Mandel. How are these people fooled by a wig and glasses? He’s Howie Mandel, star of the 1980s classic “A Fine Mess”.

He’s worked with Richard Mulligan, people. Pay attention.

—

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to limp over to the couch and see where that takes me.

Amanda Palmer Made Me Do It

This is going to be another blog where I blatently promote Amanda Palmer, so if you’re sick of reading that sort of thing, feel free to skip this.

Although you’ll be denying a young woman her birthday wish. You bastards.

—

So, I’m reading this blog entry over at Amanda Palmer’s website, and I see she mentions that, not only is it her birthday, but that she has a birthday wish for us fans to make come true. Rather an experiment, really.

here is what i’d like for my birthday:

please take this moment in time and think about one person, any person, who you think might like my music and my art. someone who doesn’t know it.
someone who does not have amanda fucking palmer in their life and might like her there.
this does not have to be a peer. it could be a child, a mother, an ex, an uncle, an befriended enemy, a co-worker, a long-lost friend, a teacher, a whatever. ANYONE.

picture them in your mind. picture if their life might possibly be made better if you brought some afp into it.

NOW:
please send/get to them them either of the following (in any format your lifestyle or computer literacy allows for. and explain why you are sending this. explain why you like this artist. explain that it’s her birthday and she’s asked you, as a favor to her, to do this.
the worst they will do is delete your email, tell you to fuck off, or disown you)

either
1-a copy of WHO KILLED AMANDA PALMER. if you don’t think they have the attention span for the whole album, send them a track.
or
2-a youtube clip of one of your favorite AFP videos.

Right. Now, if I had the money, I’d give away a copy of WKAP, but unfortunately, I was lucky enough to afford the one I have. And I’m not giving it up, for I am a selfish bastard.

However, what I can do is this:

LEEDS UNITED:

OASIS (Banned in the UK! SHOCKING!):

RUNS IN THE FAMILY:

GUITAR HERO:

Those are my favorite tracks off the album, and rather than just post mp3s, I’m posting the videos because this way, you get nifty visuals to absorb along with nifty music.

I’m also fairly certain I’ve already posted these videos, but this time it’s a gift, so shut up.

Additional clips of interest:

AMANDA PALMER COVERING RADIOHEAD’S CREEP, ON UKELELE, FOR NEIL GAIMAN:

WHAT’S THE USE OF WON’DRIN’? WITH VERMILLION LIES:

—

Play through ‘em, go ahead. Take your time, if you don’t dig one track, play the next. Each are different and wonderful in their own way.

I’ll just be over here, playing Super Mario Bros. until you’re finished.

—

Stupid Bowser. What? Oh, you’re done, good. Well? Did you enjoy your musical journey?

If so, do yourself a favor, and pick up the album.

While you’re there, check out some Dresden Dolls stuff. You won’t be disappointed, I promise.

—

Disclaimer: I swear I’m not being paid by AFP or her crew in any way other than awesome music and stuff. Seriously.

That’ll be the end of this pimp-a-thon.

Happiest birthday wishes to Amanda Palmer, though I sincerely doubt she’ll read this.

I Fought Your Monkey Last Night

So, by now, everyone has heard of the cinematic classic known fondly as SNAKES ON A PLANE.

And like it or not, even if you’ve never seen the film, you know this line very well:

Right? Best line in the whole movie, arguably.

Well, what happens when they air the film on a cable network like FX? They can’t edit that scene out completely, since it’s one of the few that are actually important to the story (yes, there’s a story. kind of.).

This. This happens:

Yeah. Monkey Fighting snakes. Hearing that brought two points to mind:

One: If I had never seen the movie before seeing the FX edit, that line would leave me wondering why they cut out the scene where the snakes were fighting monkeys. Because, let’s be honest, that sounds awesome.

Two: The term “monkey fighter” is a hilarious way to call someone a “motherfucker” and get away with it.

Possible uses include, but are not limited to:

“Whassup, monkey fighter!?”

“Oh, monkey fighter, I just stubbed my toe and it monkey fighting hurts!”

“Don’t that monkey fighter owe me twenty bucks?”

And of course:

“I fought your monkey last night.”

The fun never ends, really.

—

Swine Flu is bad, don’t get it. Thanks.

(this man speaks wisdom on the subject, though.)

—

A real blog in the very near future, I promise.