Superheroes On Twitter

oldoneeye: Still feeling emotional today. Wolverine keeps making fun of my hair. God, I hate him. God, I miss Jean. I wish I could hold my liqour.

IAmLoganBitch: @oldoneeye stfu asshole

oldoneeye: @IAmLoganBitch YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT THE FEELINGS OF OTHERS YOU HAIRY WORM!

IAmLoganBitch: @oldoneeye i got yer hairy worm right here, bub.

oldoneeye: @IAmLoganBitch Only losers use vulgarities like that.

IAmLoganBitch: @oldoneeye fuck off.

RussianDreamBoat: Pyro keeps hitting on me and making me uncomfortable. I wonder if Kitty knows.

oldoneeye: @IAmLoganBitch You’re just jealous that I’m team leader.

WeatherGoddess: @IAmLoganBitch, @oldoneeye You’re both idiots. Don’t make me fry you both with a lightning bolt.

RussianDreamBoat: Oh god, Pyro’s walking around without a shirt again. What is his damage?

IAmLoganBitch: @oneoldeye we all know whos cock you sucked to get that job, scott.

gamblinman69: how does dis ting work?

BaldQueen4211: cum 2 me my xmen, lol

WeatherGoddess: @IAmLoganBitch lol!

gamblinman69: eatin gumbo.

oldoneeye: @IAmLoganBitch THAT IS A GOD DAMN LIE

RussianDreamBoat: Going swimming with Pyro down at the lake. bbiab.

gamblinman69: done eatin gumbo now im watchin dukes of hazzard.

IAmLoganBitch: @oldoneeye only losers use vulgarities like that lol

WeatherGoddess: Going to have sex with Forge.

ForgeLikesBigButts: whoo! later bitches!

gamblinman69: daisy duke gets my motor runnin, chere.

BaldQueen4211: watching colossus and pyro swim at the lake, lol.

oldoneeye: Going to my room to listen to MCR.

IAmLoganBitch: @oldoneeye lolololol

BaldQueen4211: he really is a big russian, lmao

gamblinman69: omg airwolf is comin on. i love dat show.

Stripping On A Saturday Night

I ordered the stripper for Saturday night. You’ll be there, right?

These are words I never thought I’d hear coming from the mouth of my middle-aged female boss.

Uh-whuh?, I responded.

It turns out that Saturday night is the night they’ll be stripping the floors at the store. Sunday night, they’ll apply a fresh coat of wax. Meaning the “stripper” mentioned earlier is, in fact, the chemicals we’ll be applying to the floor on Saturday night.

Needless to say, my emotions were mixed.

I agreed to come in, since more hours = more money and more money always = a good thing. So I come in at nine at night and I’ll be there until the wee hours of the morning (I’m told roughly about four in the morning). My part in the event involves stripping and then mopping.

Again, it’s not as perverted as it sounds.

—

The following was brought to my attention by Nikki:

Frankly, it terrifies me.

It was at this point in internet conversation that the notion of a “WerePanda” was brought up.

WerePanda. Think about that for a minute. How scary is that mental image? It lures you in close with its cuteness than WHAMMO! It bites you, thus spreading the curse to another victim.

If you even survive.

Edit: Someone draw me a WerePanda, please and thank you.

—

Having seen the pilot to J.J. Abram’s Fringe (yes, I know, it’s not set to air until September, shut up), I’ve decided it has potential. A lot of it. In fact, I’m hoping it will last longer than three episodes (it’s on Fox, you know), because it could really turn into something grand.

Plus it’s got Pacey from Dawson’s Creek.

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Comic-Con International starts tomorrow. You lucky nerdling bastards who get to go will not be spoken to for a while. Unless you bribe me with a bag of free things, of course.

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ANT-MAN IS STILL COMING, warns Edgar Wright.

—

I’ll be finishing this here episode of King of the Hill and then going to bed. You care about this.

—

Giant Spider Update:

Still have not found the large black and white eight legged menace. But I feel his presence. He’s mocking me.

I will kill him.

A Blog In Segments!

Segment One:

Things I Like:

The Dark Knight, which was a cinematic orgasm the likes of which I have not experienced in years. It really is the perfect film and we’re trying to reorganize our finances so we can see it again.

The Watchmen trailer, which makes me wish it was 2009 already.

Cheese.

The film “Meet Bill”, which we rented recently and which I enjoyed very much.

The oatmeal cookie I ate this afternoon.

The fact that Adult Swim plays episodes of Mission Hill at 1am.

Segment Two:

Things I Dislike:

The humidity.

People who think their taste in film/music/life is ABSOLUTE LAW and those who disagree with their opinions have “bad taste”.

The film “Trapped Ashes”, which we rented recently and I did NOT enjoy.

Not having another oatmeal cookie to eat right now.

The fact that I have to wait until 1am to watch Mission Hill.

Segment Three:

Things That Make Me Sad:

The fact that Estelle Getty passed away this morning. I watch Golden Girls reruns and I refuse to care who knows it.

Segment Four:

Things That I Loath:

The GIANT SPIDER that just scurried out from under my television, saw me, then scurried back under the television. (I sprayed a bunch of air freshener under there and held a shoe in my hand, waiting for it to run out, but it never did. It’ll be hard to sleep knowing that it’s still at large.)

AND NOW BED. GOODNIGHT.

The World is Dead, Long Live the World

I’ve decided that “the gubment” should send out stimulus checks every month. It’s awesome being able to pay a bunch of bills and order a stack of comics from an online retailer.

So! I need one of the following to take place:

1: I need to get a better paying job.

2: I need to win the lottery.

C: I need to convince the fine folks at the U.S. Government to send me $900 every month for no good reason.

Right now, none of them seem very plausible.

—

One of the things purchased on our government funded shopping spree was the Heroes Vol. 1 trade paperback, complete with a sweet Alex Ross cover:

Ain’t it spiffy? The answer is yes. Yes it is.

SIDE NOTE: I cannot see one of Alex Ross’ beautiful painted covers without remembering how he once approached me wearing a little paper “Krispy Kreme” hat and gave me a free donut.

Yes it was really him.

No I’m not hallucinating.

I also bought an Iron Man bobble head. It’s sitting on my desktop bobbling at me right now. Drunk bastard.

—

The cat is yelling at me from the bedroom. I don’t understand the feline language, but if I did, I’d imagine this would be her telling me to go to bed.

Or really; “Come lay down so I can bump my nose against yours, causing you mixed feelings of both immense pain and awe at my adorableness!”

She’s lousy with cute.

A grown man having an argument with a cat at 4:30am is one of those “You can’t write this stuff!” moments.

—

We also saw Wanted which was very fun. It’s a brainless popcorn action flick, so be prepared to shut your brain off before viewing or it may explode from all the “But wait, how is that- I mean, that’s not even- Wait, so they get their orders from a- Well, that’s stu- Wait, is that a-” that will certainly be going through your head durring the movie.

Glad to support Top Cow’s film ventures, though. Although I’ve heard it varies a lot from the comic (which I’ve ordered online and will be reading in a couple of weeks), and the next film on the agenda is a Witchblade movie, so hopefully the whole change-the-plot-keep-the-names thing won’t be a philosophy we’ll see them adopt with that one.

—

Iron Man is nodding his agreement with everything I type. As I type it.

—

So, plus side of government money:

Bills paid.

Oil change.

Iron Man bobbling at me.

Alex Ross giving me a donut (not directly related to government money)

Ordering the second volume of Batman: Hush, the second volume of Astonishing X-Men, the third volume of Superman/Batman, and The Art of Witchblade and not feeling guilty about doing so.

Seeing movies

Downside of government money:

It’s gone too quickly.

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I want to die with a bottle of Starbucks’ Dark Chocolate Mocha in my hand.

—

My eyelids are slipping closed and the cat is winning this argument. Sleep time.

P.S. I will discuss the Doctor Who finale in a forthcoming blog that will probably be titled something similar to “How Doctor Who Hornswaggled Me And Made Me Cry”.