Home > Uncategorized > Q&A For August 2008: The Answers

Q&A For August 2008: The Answers

Here we are again, my friends. I’ve gotten quite a few questions this time, so let’s get right down to it, shall we?

The lovely Jen asks:

William Shatner? Why? Or would the answer scare me?

This would be in reference to the Questions blog in which I mentioned my unhealthy obsession with William Shatner.

When I was about fifteen years old, I began writing a screenplay that I, to this day, have never finished. It was a “buddy comedy” about two geeks on an adventure leading up to Comic-Con (Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are currently doing a film entitled “Paul”, which is essentially the same concept, only it will be done much better and will be much funnier than mine ever would have been).

In this screenplay, there was a character who became obsessed with William Shatner, in a roundabout way. He had met Shatner at a convention and inadvertantly hurt him (stepped on his foot/hit him in the head with a backpack/knocked various Star Trek knick-knacks on top of him/etc.) and since that fateful day, had made it his mission to track down Bill Shatner and apologize for it. The problem is, each time he comes in contact with Shatner, he ends up doing very similar things.

I think the story ended with Shatner getting a restraining order. Something like that.

The reason I chose Shatner for the object of the character’s obsession is because of all the “stars” of Comic-Con, Shatner seems like he’d be the one who would take it most in stride. Shatner had a bit of a reputation for being pretty self centered after Star Trek, but in his later years, he’s really developed a charming way of poking fun at himself. I admire the hell out of that.

Also, it’s James. T. Fucking Kirk. What’s not to love? I just want to hug him.

The mummy or the wolfman, who would win in a fight?

As a huge raging geek, this is the type of question that I love getting.

Now, if we’re talking the classic Universal Mummy/Wolfman, I’m gonna have to side with the Wolfman. Because, really, the Mummy was just Boris Karloff wrapped in toilet paper.

But if we’re going with the new movies, the big budget action versions, I’d side with the Mummy. Because that guy can send a fucking wall of sand in the shape of his face at you. THE SHAPE OF HIS FACE. That’s terrifying. And way more powerful than a hairy befanged dude running around the moors.

Remake of cult horror films. Bad or good?

There are really some very good horror writers out there, writers who, if pressed, can probably come up with wonderfully scary original ideas. Unfortunately, Hollywood is not interested in those writers. They’d rather go “Hey, remember Halloween? Yeah, that movie made some pretty big money. Let’s remake that.”

Which is sad.

I haven’t seen the Rob Zombie Halloween, but I’d like to. The more I hear about the Friday The 13th remake, the more excited about it I get (oddly enough). If done correctly, if the property is treated with respect and love and given to a team of writers/directors who have a deep rooted love for the original material, then it can turn out really really well.

If not, you get shit like Gus Van Sant’s Psycho.

Actually, Van Sant’s version got a lot more guff than it deserved. It’s just… Why remake Hitchcock? Remaking A Nightmare on Elm St. or Friday The 13th, fine, the originals weren’t exactly cinematic milestones, but Hitchcock is already pretty near perfection.

So really, it’s neither bad OR good, because in any given case it could go either way. That being said, MTV NEEDS TO STOP TRYING TO REMAKE THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW.

I can’t believe they are remaking Red Sonja. Such a bad movie to begin with. Bad casting choice or who would you cast? (don’t know if you have seen the original)

I have seen the original, and I agree, it was pretty bad. But it’s still an enjoyable enough experience, as long as you don’t take it too seriously.

I like Rose McGowan, I really do, but I don’t think she’s a very good actress. If you watch her episodes of Charmed, then watch one of her movies, like Planet Terror, she’s essentially playing the same exact character in different circumstances. She’s like a female Ben Affleck, in that respect.

Who would I cast? Man, I don’t know. I think McGowan can probably pull it off, if she bulks up a little before filming. I mean, it’s not like Red Sonja had any scenes that required real acting chops. Basically, the lead in Red Sonja needs only look good in a metal bikini (am I remembering Red Sonja correctly?) and be able to wield a sword without looking ridiculous. So McGowan might be able to do that.

Ever had fried pineapple? The Scots deep fry everything

Oh my God, no. No I have not, but now I want to try it.

I have a feeling that, whenever I finally make it over to Scotland, I’m going to really enjoy it there.

oh wait John has one. Star Trek with Pirates (avast ye scurvy klingons etc). Bad idea or good?

John is a fucking GENIUS. That is the single best idea I have ever heard (er, read) and if I were J.J. Abrams, I would include pirates in the upcoming Star Trek film.

Why have I never thought of that before?! Brilliant.

The tiny-yet-still-furiously fisted Ali writes:

I want to know what makes Robk tick? What are your motivations, dreams… what compels you to go forth and prosper?

If you had said “live long and prosper”, this could have been a Star Trek theme.

What makes me tick, eh? This is a question I probably shouldn’t be answering at four in the morning, but let’s give it a shot:

I think, for anyone, it really breaks down to two seperate motivations that drive us as people; A personal motivation and a professional motivation.

My personal motivation has changed drastically over the years. When I was a stupid teenager, my motivation was “Let’s go get some more beer and weed and let’s head over to the beach and get wasted!”. As I got older, I found myself being the guy everyone leaned on. I was the one people came to talk to if they were feeling depressed or lonely or scared or what have you. So my motivation at that point was helping people through their problems and generally trying to make people happy.

Granted, at the time, I was going through some pretty messed up stuff emotionally, stuff I was trying to drown in alcohol and debauchery, so maybe I wasn’t exactly the perfect person to help people through their own problems. But I felt I had to try.

That’s kinda been who I am ever since, really. The shoulder to cry on, the sympathetic ear, etc.

But now that I’m a family man, my personal motivation has changed yet again to one of doing whatever is necessary to keep my family happy and healthy. I still offer advice to those who seek it out, but it’s not what drives me anymore. My family is what drives me now.

As far as professionally, I’ve run the gamut since I was a child. In my life time, I’ve wanted to be:

A super hero
A police officer
A truck driver
A clown
An ice cream man
An artist
A writer
A stand up comedian
A teacher
A marine biologist
A veterinarian

And probably half a dozen other various things. Some of the above listed are probably still viable options for me, but the only one that has stayed with me, the only one for which I have never lost my passion, is writing. So I know that, whatever I end up doing as a career (read: when I’m not unloading a truck once a week), will involve writing. I’d be crazy if it didn’t.

Dreams? To have the ability to afford Danielle the ability to quit her job and never have to work again. To own a house that isn’t falling down around us. To discover the cure for Fibromyalgia. I don’t know. I have a lot of dreams and a lot of them will never be realized, but that’s okay.

I hope that all made at least a little sense.

The Canadian Gypsy (this week) named Amy sent these along:

i. Why was your first video blog so mind-numbingly dull that I didn’t watch the whole thing?

Because you have no taste.

ii. Why did I word that in such a mean way?

Because you’re a bitch. (I keed)

iii. Bryan Wilson or Jesus: Who is the real Messiah?

Trick Question. Bryan Wilson IS Jesus.

iv. Why don’t more people ride bicycles?

Because our collective goal, as a species, is to rape this planet until it bleeds molten fire and implodes from the overwhelming weight of our ignorance.

v. Do you like my new glasses?

The last pair of glasses I saw you wearing, which was quite awhile ago, yes. If you’ve gotten glasses since then, I DO NOT KNOW.

vi. What was Henry VIII’s 5th wife’s name? Why?

Carol. Because it was her father’s mother’s cat’s name and her father was always quite fond of that cat.

vii. If I were to take you on a picnic in the woods and bring Guinness, would anybody hear me scream when you started acting zany?

It depends on how far civilization is from the woods in question. Also, if by “zany”, you mean “drunk”, then it would take something other than Guinness. I don’t drink Guinness to get drunk, I drink it for the flavor.

viii. Have you ever acted zany?

THAT IS NONE OF YOUR GOD DAMN BUSINESS.

ix. Latin or Arabic: Which is cooler?

Latin, because it can get you laid. If you go around speaking Arabic, you’re more likely to see the inside of an Airport holding cell than the inside of a lady’s panties.

x. If you were to die today, what would you do tomorrow? THINK ABOUT IT.

I would haunt you until your dying days. I would not make the walls bleed or throw chairs around the room, I would instead do things like hide your glasses or put the toilet seat up so you would blame Jason. BUT I WOULD DO SO ON AN HOURLY BASIS AND YOU WOULD BE QUITE ANNOYED.

And that brings us to the end of yet another Q&A blog. Thanks to everyone who participated, thanks to everyone who didn’t participate, and thanks to those who aren’t reading this blog. I love you most of all.

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  1. Lisa the Mad
    August 24, 2008 at 5:42 am

    Re: Henry VIII’s fifth wife

    It was the youngest Catherine. ::checks wiki:: Catherine Howard.

    You can say ‘Catherine’ and have a 50% chance of being right. Anne gives you 33%. Remember that for future useless trivia things.

    Why, yes, I am a Tudor geek.

  2. Sammich
    September 23, 2008 at 1:58 am

    I was going to ask you a question here….

    I don’t know what to ask.

    it’s 3am.

    Why am I awake?

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