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Actual Conversations From Work: Vol.02

April 16, 2009 Leave a comment

Preface: Male Co-Worker #2 enters our place of employment, head down, dragging his feet along, his hood up over his head. He enters the backroom.

Me: “What the hell happened to you?”

Male Co-Worker #2: “I’m so hungover. I was at the bar last night drinking shots of abstinence.”

Me: “Of what?”

Male Co-Worker #2: “Abstinence.”

Me: “You were drinking abstinence?”

Male Co-Worker #2: “Yeah, man. It was seven bucks a shot. They just legalized it.”

Me: “They’ve only just legalized abstinence, is what you’re telling me.”

Male Co-Worker #2: “Yeah. It fucked me up.”

Me: “You’re talking about a green liquid, supposed to make you hallucinate and shit?”

Male Co-Worker #2: “Yeah, abstinence.”

Me: “You’re talking about Absinthe.”

Male Co-Worker #2: “Absinthe?”

Me: “Yeah. Abstinence is something I don’t think you know much about.”

Male Co-Worker #2: “Whatever it’s called, it fucked me up.”

Male Co-Worker #2 then exits the backroom and approaches a female co-worker.

Female Co-Worker: “You look hungover.”

Male Co-Worker #2: “I got fucked up on abstinence last night.”

Female Co-Worker: “What?”

Me: “Sigh.”

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Actual Conversations From Work: Vol.01

March 11, 2009 Leave a comment

Preface: Tuesday morning saw the beginning of a decently sized blizzard tearing through our fair town, and, in fact, most of the state/surrounding states. I was scheduled to go in to work at 12:30pm, for my regular Tuesday shift on what we refer to as “truck day”. At 11:00am, I recieved the following phonecall:

Boss: “Robert?”

Me: “Yes.”

Boss: “I’m just calling to say that the truck won’t be here today, so are you available to work tomorrow?”

Me: “Yes. Same time?”

Boss: “Yes, same time. Sorry for the trouble!”

Me: “Oh, no trouble at all!” (Note: Which was true, as I didn’t particularly feel like going to work in blizzard conditions.)

At ten thirty this morning, I recieved a phonecall from Boss:

Boss: “Robert?”

Me: “Yes.” (Note: Who was she expecting?)

Boss: “I’m just calling to tell you that the truck will be late today.”

Me: “But, there’s no snow…” (Note: At this point, I’m staring out the window at the stark white world, which is reflecting the sunshine back into my eyes.)

Boss: “Right, but the truck broke.”

Me: “It broke.”

Boss: “Yes.”

Me: “How in the hell did it break?”

Boss: “No clue.”

Me: “It’s left Iowa, though, right?”

Boss: “I don’t know.”

Me: “How much later will it be?”

Boss: “I don’t know.”

Me: “…”

Boss: “I’m sorry, but corporate didn’t give me any information about any of it, other than ‘It broke’ and ‘It’ll be late’. But you’ll be on call, yeah?” (Note: “On Call” makes me sound so much more important than I am, but I love it.)

Me: “Yes.”

Boss: “You’re great!”

Me: “I know!”

Boss: “Thanks so much!”

Shortly after three this afternoon (about twenty minutes ago), I recieved the following call:

Boss: “I have some bad news.”

Me: “Hello.”

Boss: “What? Oh, sorry, hello. I have bad news.”

Me: “I’m preparing myself.” (Note: I could guess what was coming.)

Boss: “It doesn’t look like the truck will make it today at all.”

Me: “…”

Boss: “I told you it was bad!”

Me: “So, tomorrow then.”

Boss: “Hopefully!”

Me: “Right then.”

Boss: “I really appreciate it.”

Me: “I know you do.” (Note: I need the money.)

Boss: “Bye now!”

Literally five minutes before my typing this, I was on the phone with Danielle, when I got a voicemail:

Boss: “Hello, Robert! I just got a call from corporate, saying that the truck will be here at 8:00am, so if you could come in at 7:30am, that would be a great help! There won’t be much to unload, so you won’t be here long, but we really need you there, so please call me back to confirm you got this message! Bye!”

These are the times I’m not very fond of my job. Luckily for me, they’re pretty few and far between.