Posts Tagged ‘Life’

Life Is Weird

June 17, 2018 Leave a comment

I’ve slept a lot in the last twenty-four hours. Made the climb up the stairs, glance out the window before climbing into bed, wrapping myself up in blankets and drifting into unconsciousness. I’d woken up a few hours later, come downstairs and made myself a sandwich, then repeated the process listed above. Then again, then again.

I’ve lost track of how long, broken up over a day, that I’ve slept. It feels like too much, it feels like not enough.

Sleeping is a coping mechanism for me, as it was for my father. When things got to be too overwhelming, when everything seemed it’s bleakest, my father would turn off the lights, turn on the fan, and crawl into bed. Now, I do the same. I’m a lot like him, in a lot of ways. Some of them make me proud, some of them make me wonder.

Father’s Day is today, as of this writing, and I just never know how to feel on this day anymore. Every time it comes around, I reach for the phone to call my dad and tell him I love him. Every time I do, it hits me all over again that he won’t be on the other end of that phone.


Anthony Bourdain passed away last week, another life claimed by suicide, and it has hit me considerably hard. I did not know Bourdain, had never met him or spoken with him in any capacity, but through reading his books and following his television shows (No Reservations/Parts Unknown), I felt like I did. Through reading various articles he’d written, various interviews with him, I felt like we all got a glimpse of his soul. A soul that was scarred and embattled.

Bourdain’s struggle with mental health was never a secret, was never kept hidden from viewers of his shows. No, in fact, Bourdain was always a champion of speaking out, be it in interviews or on Twitter, about depression and mental health issues. He always seemed like someone who had been deep in the fight for many years, always punching upward, but that made him one to admire and respect.

For someone who suffers from depression, for someone who has dealt with this pain his whole life, to see someone like Bourdain going out there and shining a light on so many problems in our society (the #MeToo movement and harassment/abuse in all industries, causes dealing with mental health, being critical of political regimes including our own what are bordering tyranny) and doing it with such wisdom and charisma… It made an impact. It gave me hope.

But to lose such a vital voice in this time of strife, to lose such an important warrior in the current culture war blowing up outside, is devastating. I had said on Twitter that losing Bourdain now is very much akin to losing Hunter S. Thompson during the G.W. Bush administration at the beginning of the (latest) Iraq war. A modern scholar who has a unique take on life and the world around them because they have had unique experiences, had survived unique trials and tribulations, and were made better for them.

My heart hurts, not just for the loss of a television travel host, but for the loss of one of the most vocal proponents of the fact that we are all the same people living on the same planet. We should respect one another, we should care for one another, we should put all this strife and pettiness behind us and focus on healing the world and making it a better place. Showing us the beauty of different cultures, their histories and art, to make it less scary that these cultures are “them”. In fact, that there is no “them”. Only “us”.

To know that Bourdain’s death was self inflicted, that his demons had finally overpowered him, that the darkness was too strong for him to fight it anymore, is what has hit me the hardest. To know that a man like Bourdain, who had been through so much, seen so much, been connected to the entire world in such a unique and powerful way, was still taken over by such sadness that he would hang himself… It scares me to my core.

It’s raining again.

I think blogging about things is helping. I think I’ll continue.


February 9, 2013 4 comments

Well, it’s 2013 and we’re all still here. The planet, I mean. Nothing happened, no explosions, no asteroids, no John Cusack in a limo. Nothing. Fucking Mayans.

I realize, what with it being February, that it’s a bit late for me to be making 2012 Apocalypse jokes, but I really don’t care.

Not much has changed since the apocalypse. I am still an ex-Californian living in Minnesota, Justin Bieber remains Canada’s number one export of douchebaggery (sorry, Celine Dion), chimichangas are still great.

That’s not entirely true, some stuff has changed. Like, did you know J.J. Abrams is going to direct Star Wars: Episode VII? Did you even know there was going to be a Star Wars: Episode VII? Of course you did. That’s old news now. But since I haven’t updated this blog since well before both of those tasty tidbits of information floated down the intertubes, I felt a need to post about them.

There. I’ve posted about them. Now we can move on to bigger and better thi- Oh, who the hell am I kidding.

J.J. Abrams is responsible for two of my favorite TV shows in recent memory, LOST and Fringe, and when speaking of the imaginary “line in the sand” in regards to people who enjoyed his 2009 Star Trek reboot and people who felt insulted by it, I’m on the side of those who thought it was a fun movie. So, all things considered, I have faith in Abrams and I’m looking forward to what he does with the first Star Wars film in almost eight years.

Did I mention Lucasfilm has been sold to Disney? Yeah, Lucasfilm has been sold to Disney. You probably already heard all about that, too.

I’ve already read long winded posts and status updates about how J.J. Abrams is both the best and worst man for the job (but mostly just a lot of lens flare jokes. a lot of them.), but what it boils down to is this simple fact: Fans of the Star Wars franchise just want a good movie. For the most part, no one cares who is directing it, who is writing it, or who is in it. So long as it’s good. There will be a lot of people who will, upon reading that at face value, disagree with it. Loudly and in caps lock. But if they truly think about it, they’ll see what I mean.

The director of any Star Wars film need not be a famous name or someone with a specific style, but rather a person who loves the franchise as much as we do. The person writing it, the same. The people who appear in it, if not playing previously established characters, need only dive into the depths of those characters.

Now in the case of the two standalone films recently announced by Disney, one focusing on the adventures of a young Han Solo (how young, though?) and the other focusing on the rise of Boba Fett to his place as one of the most feared bounty hunters in the universe, things get tricky. Obviously Harrison Ford can no longer play the spry and dapper Solo he once could. So, who? Who, then, could step into the boots of everyone’s favorite intergalactic smuggler? The Huffington Post has some ideas.

Now, that list ranges from a bunch of actors I’ve never heard of, to a few who might be right (I can see Garrett Hedlund, or Taylor Kitsch, even one of the Hemsworth brothers or Zachary “Chuck” Levi), to a few who would be completely wrong (Zac Efron? Shia LaBeouf? Shudder…). But it’s all speculation at this point. There are no scripts, no directors, nothing but the notion of “Hey, let’s make a couple of movies about Han Solo and Boba Fett! People love Han Solo and Boba Fett, right? What could possibly go wrong?!”

I reserve my judgment on most of this until the movies actually come out.

Well, at least I’ll try to reserve my judgment.

Depeche Mode have a new album, Delta Machine, coming out March 26th. But the first single, entitled Heaven, is already available. Here’s the video:

I love it. It reminds me a lot of something you’d hear on Black Celebration, which is one of my favorite albums, and that’s probably why I dig it so much. If the rest of this new album is anywhere near this first single in tone and content, it’ll be fantastic.

Depeche Mode are currently on their World Tour, the North American dates for which I hope they will be announcing soon. If you can’t already tell, I’m pretty excited about this and would love to see them live.

As our friends and family to the East recover from Winter Storm Nemo, it seems we here in the MidWest have our own storm to deal with: Winter Storm Orko (Nemo? Orko? Whoever names these storms is a huge fan of Saturday morning cartoons).

See that line between the gray and the pink? That little white line that’s crossing the South Dakota border and entering the state of Minnesota? Yeah, we’re in there. So it seems we’ll get some snow in, well, about a day or two. Exactly how much, it’s hard to tell, but people are preparing around here. Rushing to the store to get their essentials in preparation of being snowed in for a couple of days.

Not unlike this:

We’re fine, for now. If I look outside my window on Monday morning and find over two feet of snow, I will be less fine. Well, no, I’ll still be fine. Just a bit more angry.

Taxes are done, chimichangas have been eaten, and it’s now time I go and clear some things off the ol’ DVR.

Be nice.